No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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