Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
