How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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