one two three fourrrrnication!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
