i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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