if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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