at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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