dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
