she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
