just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
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