Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Text me some of your sweat
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