I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
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