I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
