I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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