I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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