I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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