Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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