ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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