Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
