There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
