I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
