No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
