Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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