Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
