My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So here I am, sexting at work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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