remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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