this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
