i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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