Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
