I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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