Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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