I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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