Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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