I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
