A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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