And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
