dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
