No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
