she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
