Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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