Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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