either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
