I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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