my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
