shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
