it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
