I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
