Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
