I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
