He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
