I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
