I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
