I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
