I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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