so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
