He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
