We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
