literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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