Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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