im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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