Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
