I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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