its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
