yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
