Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
