i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
