ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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