I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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