Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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