Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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