i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
