i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
