And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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