I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
