i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
