It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
