So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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