Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
